Saga of Meta-4 - It's A Wonderful Life

Saga of Meta-4 - It's A Wonderful Life

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This album *Contains adult Christian themes and Concepts* and highlights struggles with abuse, sexual identity, trauma, mental illness, and thoughts of suicide

Full Title - Saga of Meta-4 "It's A Wonderful Life" - George Bailey
Feel Free to watch the classic movie  with the same title for Christmas 
Also Check out Music Video for song "Jurassic Classic" from the album on my YouTube page at:  

Album Background: Diagnosed as a child with motor sensory processing disorder, emotionally and mentally struggling all my life, ( and not aware of this until 2021; as some family felt it was best that I did not know), made emotional processing of all these events and many others in my life extremely difficult; like trying do all the daily things in ones life, while at the same time, trying to build a colosseum by hand; make that all of the colosseums.

Unable to easily process and express my emotions or to have more than one emotion at the same time; (or even to do more then one task at the same time). It made it very difficult to express Love. This brought about fear, fear of rejection, and a number of other unhealthy emotions.

It is kind of like dealing with Autism, and a slight touch of ADHD, and being of two minds, (double minded), at the same time.

This made me a bit obsessive compulsive and often times stubborn...

There was also great anxiety, which along with the stubbornness at times made me impulsive

At times there were mood swings from extreme timidity to extreme anger; bordering on wrath.

I was almost always frustrated and this made it very difficult to function as a human being

The only times that I felt mentally sharp and truly at peace, was when I was preparing for or engaged in some type of ministry, either preaching, teaching, worship, evangelism, etc.

However, there were times outside of these activities that GOD would use me to uplift or Encourage others, past my own pain.

I am by my true nature a joyful and outgoing person. The conflict of the other emotions caused me to be among other things a bit antisocial; this behavior increased throughout the years; as I got older (2010 - 2022)

And then dealing with identity confusion, timidity, shame, and anger due to continued sexual abuse as a child. (Not remembered until 2006; after I was married). Due to trauma I had blocked the repeated instances out of my mind; this is common among sexual abuse survivors), GOD brought it back to my thoughts to begin the healing. Painful but thank you Lord (later see “My Private Corner in Hell”, under Geekpose)

The enemy was seeking to steal my identity early; as a man, and as a Christian; Husband and Father

Sadly, I have been lead by fear, fear of rejection, anger and pride (as a defense), most of my adult life. (But, Fear is a liar, as well as rejection, anger, and pride)

At times the pain from all these things would make me unable to remember things that happened in the present.

Most of my life, I have battled with depression, with a smile:(, somewhat unaware of it. Lord Knows..

For years, I often times tried to handle or "fight" off my emotions and issues in my own strength. GOD began to show me that I needed to fight differently, by consistently applying His Word to my feelings and emotions. See 2 Corinthians 10:3-5

I have been in counseling, (with a Christian Counselor, who used his training in psychology, but also opened the Bible and used the Word), over the past several years

As a child I was into video games, fantasy, and comic books, sometimes it was easier for me to live in fantasy versus my reality.

GOD has brought a balance to this...

And now GOD is taking what I learned in fantasy and using it to touch other people for Him, in reality. Writing the music is also a form of healing for me.

As you can read, dealing with my own emotional struggles, but according to GOD, Blessed with a Genius intellect. (a bit of a dichotomy). However, I will not lean to my own understanding, but His. Proverbs 3:5

Ephesians 6:12,

This is my Journey, this is my Process, this is My Saga.

For all those that I hurt through this journey or process/saga.
I apologize

I do believe GOD is a Healer according to His Word. I have seen him do it in others and believe He will do it for me.

My story is not over yet. I still have my struggles and will not say that I am fully delivered, yet. But, I am a Fighter, Survivor, and an Overcomer. And "I will Never Give Up!" I want to Encourage you too, Don’t you give up either.

My Dream is to be able to support myself on a full time basis through my music, art, and writing, (see "Merch" page)
Every purchase supports that Dream

Note: Encouraged to listen to album from the below perspective:

Saga of Meta-4 - Struggles in college with salvation; identifying with Christ and living for Him, (during semester and at home in the summer). Romans 12:1, "Be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind to prove what is that good, acceptable, and perfect will of GOD"

Wondering Wonderman - dealing with the passing of my grandmother and my mother, my family struggles, not feeling like myself or who GOD created me to be..My determination to still fight through my emotions

Akuma - dealing with my pride that I developed from trying to defend myself from being abused and or taken advantage of in the future.

My Psalm - of my abuse as a child, identity confusion, and it's later effects on my life in high school, and seeking to overcome through Christ.

Boat Quest on Eagles Wingz - trying to interact with wife and children. Family issues.

Black Panther - Me recognizing the calling of GOD and that I am of a royal lineage in His eyes. Therefore seeking to stand up as a King, (like the Black Panther's Father told Him in the movie)

Justice League - based off the movie. I am personified in the song as Super-Man (in general), and my wife as Wonder Woman (in general); however for me also able to relate to Cyborg's character, as he did not like what the mother box, (representing evil), sought to turn him into in the movie. Also, had many struggles with love and expressing emotions as a child, kind of like a cyborg or robot; i.e. Data.

Cross Over Everything - My seeking to put Jesus first in everything, Him taking me from mental pressure and trauma to a Winner Mentally and Spiritually

*Jurassic Classic Remastered - a different take on my emotional struggles with hurt, rejection, fear, anger, wrath, sadness, depression, discouragement, grief, bitterness, and unforgiveness, a la "Jurassic Classic Remix", as a child through adult hood; personified by dinosaurs or dragons. My continual struggle to slay the dragons, and the king of the dragons, (satan).

Beyond Bars Re-Assemble - All these things led to me dealing with thoughts of suicide, but that is not the End...Last verse my friend Earl "goes off" on suicidal thoughts, and "everything" else in opposition to GOD.

Black Pearl - My love for my daughter